It’s open season on black womanhood. Nightline became the latest media outlet to tackle the issue of why black women aren’t married. The problem is not the topic, but the approach. Like a recent series of articles, books, and television segments (and one Nightline did last year), the show’s focus was on the purportedly low value of black women in the dating marketplace and the wisdom of black women’s choice to stay single versus marrying men who don’t fit their criteria.
Let’s get real for a minute here. Yes, black women are sometimes taken for granted by black men, and men of other races. (I’m thinking here of musician John Mayer saying he had a “David Duke c**k,” because it only responded to white woman. Black womens’ response, for the most part: awesome, dude! Less disfunction for us!) Black women also get oddly, back-handedly criticized for being too functional — for being the majority of black college graduates and growing old alone. In reality, black women with college degrees are more likely to have married by age 40 than those with high school degrees (70 to 60 percent). For white women, high school educated women are slightly more likely to have married than college-educated ones (88 to 86 percent). Read More »
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How Does It Feel to Be a Black, Female, Single Problem?
Single Black Woman Challenge: Understand Marriage
I wrote a long post on what I wanted out of marriage, and then I realized (and blogging is great for this) that it might be just off topic for the conversation we’re having. Or maybe I was just scared! (I leave that open. Grown women can have second thoughts at any time and we often do.)
So let me broaden things out a bit. I’m one of the unmarried over-40 college-educated African-American women who appear to be causing people to trip out. I’ve had my concerns about what marriage means both to the people in marriages and to society. I’ve been speaking to some never-married black women, and gay men and women, who question the structure of the institution. Why is marriage an institution that confers legal benefits and joint ownership; tax structures and healthcare options? Should it be as powerful now in our life as it was? Should it be expanded (for example, to gay couples) or legally reconceived? Read More »
Be Farai (Be Happy): Resolution 2010
Be FaraI (Be Happy): Resolution 2010
My first name means happy, and this year I intend to live my naming.
During 2009, I lost my job as host of the radio show News and Notes and decided to explore what I was meant to do versus taking a new job right away. I questioned that decision many times (often while looking at bills), but as I rang in the New Year I realized that I made the right decision for this stage of my life. My quest to “Be Farai” is to find what I’m really meant to do, and enjoying doing it.
I’ve worked a series of high profile jobs and learned that my work is one of the most fulfilling parts of my life, but it can’t be the only thing in my life. While continuing to write, broadcast, and publish (my first novel came out this year) I have also taken time to hike, go on a fitness retreat, and reconnect with friends and family. I’ve lost 20 pounds since my top weight of 2009 (which was my top weight ever), and I’m working to keep the numbers trending down with a new exercise regime and more cooking at home.
I feel reinvigorated in pursuing new media projects, especially around the intersection of social networking and citizen media. Our emotions and cycles of politics and social engagement affect our ability to process information. It seems impossible to talk about changing the news industry without acknowledging that news, without context, is something many people find alienating if not outright toxic. I believe that social networking can provide a community for both media producers and media consumers (many of whom are becoming one and the same) which allows us a space where we can discuss and process news, and the emotions that news generates.
Fifteen years after my first blog posts, I’m making 2010 the year I begin blogging seriously again. I’m working to figure out what makes sense in our age of niche-media-moguls. (I’m a fan of just talking about whatever interests me, but I also recognize I need structure.) Theda Sandiford, @bondgyrl on Twitter, and I have been comparing notes about approach.
In any case, despite the upheavals, I will put 2009 down in the WIN column of life: a year of change, growth, stress, maturity, and health. I wish all the best to everyone in 2010.
And: good advice via Twitter from a media maker:
@AnnCurry: Breathe in the New Year. As you breathe out, let go of what you don’t need.
Peace,
F
